Harvard Study of Adult Development: Part 1, Relationships That Last
In a world where instant gratification is the norm and distractions are endless, the idea of relationships that last 30, 40, even 60 years feels increasingly rare—yet, deeply inspiring. We've been married 21 years, and both of our parents have been married for over 60 years. During our recent yoga retreat to Costa Rica, we were asked, "What's the key to long-term relationships?" So, in this first segment, we'll focus on lessons about long-lasting relationships revealed in an on-going study that began in 1938.
Keys to long-lasting, meaningful relationships
The longest-running study on human happiness and health, the Harvard Study of Adult Development (also known as the Grant Study), began in 1938 and continues today. Spanning nearly 90 years, the study has tracked the physical and emotional well-being of hundreds of participants throughout their lives—offering profound insights into what makes life fulfilling. There's a lot to unpack in this study, and we'll cover multiple areas.
“Spoiler alert: The good life is a complicated life. For everybody. The good life is joyful… and challenging. Full of love, but also pain. And it never strictly happens; instead, the good life unfolds, through time. It is a process. It includes turmoil, calm, lightness, burdens, struggles, achievements, setbacks, leaps forward, and terrible falls. And of course, the good life always ends in death.” ― The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness
Warm Relationships = Longevity
The clearest predictor of long-term health and happiness? The quality of your relationships. Warm, emotionally connected marriages supported not only emotional well-being, but physical longevity too.
Friendship Over Passion
Harvard researcher and author Arthur Brooks emphasizes that enduring marriages aren’t fueled by fireworks—but by friendship. Shared humor, trust, and mutual respect form the glue that holds long partnerships together.
Emotional Maturity is Everything
Couples who navigated conflict with mature coping mechanisms—such as perspective-taking, patience, and forgiveness—had far more resilient marriages. As yoga teaches: response over reaction.
Avoid Destructive Behaviors
Alcohol abuse, unchecked anger, and emotional withdrawal were among the strongest predictors of divorce in the study. Conscious living—on and off the mat—matters deeply in relationships.
Commitment Through Change
Longevity isn't about avoiding storms—it’s about holding hands through them. The study found that shared hardship often strengthened long marriages when rooted in commitment.
A Loving Reminder from the Mat
Oh, and what was our answer to the question asked on retreat? We believe in cultivating these four qualities in all relationships (including the one with yourself):
Of those, Equanimity might be the one that resonates the most with this on-going Harvard study. It's hard to ride the waves of life if it feels like you're pounded under the weight of past wounds, worries, grudges or grievances. It's important to give yourself space for grace. Sometimes the key to a long-term relationship is a short-term memory. One of our teachers said it this way, "Practicing yoga teaches us to choose an appropriate response." Viktor Frankl offered it this way:
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
This quote beautifully captures the essence of conscious living — and aligns with our philosophy at Sol Hot Yoga Studio; bringing mindfulness, emotional maturity, and the power of choice to our relationships.
We believe relationships—like yoga—are a daily practice and a sacred ritual. They require breath, attention, grace, and sometimes... a good sweat. Whether you’re deepening a long-term bond or creating space to reconnect with yourself, the research is clear:
Genuine connections are the cornerstones for a long and meaningful life.
So take a moment to connect. To be kind. To listen. And maybe, invite your partner to practice beside you this week. Even if you practice by yourself, at Sol Hot Yoga Studio you'll never practice alone. What we cultivate on our mat, nourishes us through the good life. Sign up for class today & experience genuine oneness — with yourself & with others.
